There Was a Time When Everyone Thought I Was Fine

… instead I was dying inside

Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash

There was a time when everyone thought I was fine, instead I was dying inside.

I was in a relationship I didn’t want to go on with.
But I was afraid of making that decision. And now I tell you why.

I was completely insicure about me, about my body, about I appeared to others. Moreover, I broke up with a high-school friendship. And that made me feel so sad and lonely.

Loneliness. Sometimes I fell in love with that status, not during that time. I was afraid of loneliness, I was afraid of missing out everything could happen around me. I had just that relationship, even if it was completely wrong.

I’ve been in that situation for almost two years and a half. I did things I didn’t like, I was with people I didn’t want to be with.
I felt like I was blackmailed because everytime I wanted to do something alone or with some friends of mine, he had chest aches, a terrible cough and crying aloud. For two years and a half I felt lonely and guilty.
I know that he wasn’t a bad guy, he had that behaviour because he knew that there was something broken in our relationship, but he didn’t want to admit it. Instead I knew there’s something wrong but I was afraid to face up everything around me.

I had to find a spark in my soul and my heart to get out of that situation.
And I found it.



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The Curious Fede

The Curious Fede

Book and music lover. Naturalist by passion. I try to be a minimalist and zero-waste person. I’m also a proofreader and a copywriter.